Taking Care of Your Parents: My Own Story

          So we have made the necessary arrangements, we moved Mom into an assisted living arrangement which agrees with her. We have removed her from the house which she loved but which had become more of a threat than a comfort. We know she is sleeping better at night without the worries of taking care of that big house. My brothers and I are certainly sleeping better at night knowing that Mom is safe and has caregivers down the hall, should she need them.

          Are all of our concerns dealt with? Are we happy, knowing that we did […]

            My brothers and I made the difficult decision to have Mom move into an assisted living facility.  She did not like the move, but that is to be expected. She wanted to stay in her home of over 50 years. . .also to be expected. But now that she has been in her new ‘home’ for a month, what does she think?

            “Everyone here is so nice,” when she is speaking of the staff. My advice on this issue, as an estate planning attorney, and not as a son who is trying to care for his […]

          The time had finally come where we could no longer be assured that Mom was safe, living in her own home. We had endured several rounds of  “your mom has fallen” phone calls from her caregivers. My brothers and I debated, discussed and dragged our feet for as long as we could. Due to another fall, this one leaving her bruised but not seriously injured, the next step had come.

          We orchestrated a few days of moving Mom out and into a temporary location with a 24 hour care-giver while we readied her new living situation with a reputable […]

           “Your mother has fallen,” was how I began several of these blog entries, recounting our struggle to keep Mom in her home where she wanted to be while still trying to protect her health, not to mention her dignity. This time, the call came that she had fallen, but it was different.

          “She looks like she got checked into the boards by Kevin Stevens,” was the description my brother gave me. Mom was rushed to the Emergency Room, she was immediately taken for a CT Scan, and told that she could not remain alone any longer.

          Mom tries to […]

I ended my last “Mom” blog with “Give your aging parent the dignity they deserve.”  As anyone who is dealing with their aging parent knows, this is sometimes easier said than done.

Insisting on taking up a rug, replacing a piece of furniture or taking away the car keys are changes that are happening “to” your parent. They are not changes that your parent is making on his own. This is uncomfortable, yet most of us justify it in our minds with some version of “It’s for their own good.”

Think back to when you were a teenager and your father said […]

“Mom, we need to replace the carpeting” I said. “No, it’s fine” she replied. “But its old and it needs to be replaced.” I continued, “I would love for you to have the new carpeting – something to give the home a lift.” I was trying to be encouraging and bubbly.

“You are not going to spend my money or your money and replace this carpeting. It’s fine. I vacuum it. It’s fine.”

The question is, when is what you call helping not really that helpful to your aging parent? You see a dirty carpet. She sees the carpeting […]